The saying goes, stupid is, as stupid does — and if that’s the case, Ryan Lochte is — well, stupid.
By Neil Harrington
Ryan Lochte was supposed to be the next Michael Phelps, but instead, he became the next Forrest Gump.
At least Forrest Gump is a likable loser, unlike Lochte, who is a total delta-bravo.
Where is Weird Al Yankovic when we need him the most? We need a Lochte, “Gump” parody. Stat!
Granted, it would take hours and hours to record all of the dumb things Lochte has said and done over the recent years. But, for Lochte, I have all the time in the world.
The most recent blunder was when Lochte snitched on himself, posting a “confession” on social media of himself violating USADA PED regulations.
It sounds (almost)to dumb to be true, but we are talking about Ryan Lochte, so I’m not that surprised.
“A subsequent investigation by USADA, with which Lochte fully cooperated, revealed that Lochte received an intravenous infusion of permitted substances at an infusion clinic in a volume greater than 100 mL in a 12-hour period without a Therapeutic Use Exemption (TUE).”
I love Ryan Lochte so much. Posts an Instagram of himself getting an IV drip.
— Kmarko (@Kmarkobarstool) July 23, 2018
For such violation, Lochte is banned from swimming professionally for the next 14 months, retroactive to May of 2017.
Lochte has since removed the image from his Instagram account. But, the damage is already done. Dude is back, dumber than ever.
What an American treasure; and by treasure, I mean an Olympic caliber moron.
If you need further proof; feast your eyes on these gems from times past.
“It means. Almost. Like everything. Like happy… Like, it’s good.”
This interview with Fox 29 back in the day says it all, about Lochte.
Saturday Night Live even noticed the “talents” of Ryan Lochte, in this spitting-image skit.
The most notable moment for Lochte was when he lied about getting robbed in Rio, during the 2016 Olympic games.
It appears that an intoxicated Lochte, and a few of his buddies, vandalized a gas station, after consuming a bit of liquid courage — then (allegedly) marking his territory with such liquid.
Instead of owning it, like a real man, he made up this story — in efforts to cover up his antics.
Somehow, this deplorable act landed Lochte a minor suspension and an appearance on Dancing with the Stars.
Loche, with his (reverse) Midas touch, turned that gracious gift into an utter disaster.
Now, Lochte is heading to the kiddie pool for the next year-plus, after his recent suspension.
Speaking of which, what’s the over/under of how Lochte would do on the show, Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?
We already have our answer.
I’m sure there are more Ryan Lochte dumb (and dumber) moments that I missed, but like Lochte, I can’t seem to remember.
Categories: The Campfire