Michael Jordan is in a league of his own among the all-time great athletes, but what others dabble in the greatness of his Airness?

By Payton Woolsey

5. Tiger Woods

Last week, Tiger Woods was making waves en route to a top 10 finish at the Open — the first time in a long time that he wasn’t a shell of his former himself.

Tiger — before his big scandal that rocked both the golfing and sports world, was unstoppable.

Winning his first major at the ripe age of 21, he was well on his way to being the undisputed golf G.O.A.T — which he still is in many people’s eyes.

Let’s be honest though, Woods not only dominated the sport but also transcended it. He turned something that used to be for old retired people with lots of money, into something that was hip and cool.

Tiger was young, moved like a killer, and had all the swag that a human body could hold. He was and still is, the greatest ever at chasing a little ball on a hot lawn.

4. Sugar Ray Robinson

Ok, right off the top I will tell you this man is the G.O.A.T. of boxing. You’re damn right I said it, and I will say it again. Let’s paint the picture for you.

• Six titles held.
• Carried two weight-classes at once
• 109 knockouts.
• 89-0 as an amateur boxer.
• 99-1 in his first 100 fights.
• Boasts the hardest left jab ever recorded.

Ali himself said that Robinson was the greatest pound for pound ever. Ladies and gents get the hell out of my face if you dispute it.

Robinson also wouldn’t duck people, and he wouldn’t pull a Mayweather and run away from the best competition. He was a true champion’s champion.

Often copied but never duplicated was his ability to knock a person out while moving backward. He was a flat out, legend, folks.

3. Tom Brady

Oh, sweet baby Jesus in your golden fleece diaper. My skin crawls as I type this. I want to rip my eyes out, in fact.

But, I have to admit that Tom Brady is the all-time most dominant football player — without a doubt.

Call it luck, call it the doing of Billy the Kid Belichick; but nobody’s been a better QB in the clutch than Brady.

He’s also on my short list of all-time greatest evidence destroyers behind O.J. Simpson, of course. But, man can take this guy whip a pigskin.

He will put uncle Rico and his time-machine to shame. The 5-time Super Bowl champ will end his career with numbers that we will likely never see beaten. And that’s disgusting.

Don’t get it mistaken; the rest of the world will be very, very, very happy when he hangs them up; especially Buffalo Bills fans.

If you’re not sold on (shady) Brady, I will flash this score and you’ll think otherwise.

28-3.

Too soon, Falcons fans?

2. Secretariat

Your damn right I just put an animal on this list, and above Brady at that. That’s how insanely out of his mind this horse raced.

When you think of the word dominance, you should think of Secretariat’s 31 length victory at Belmont.

I can assure you no human has ever disrespected his foes more than Secretariat did that day. Ever.

He also won the coveted Triple Crown in the most popular era for horse racing, with a superb line-up of challengers.

Very few people dispute that Secretariat is the greatest racehorse, but the same should ring true as any athlete in any sport.

I get it. He’s a horse. But, get a grip and respect the greatness.

It was also discovered during his autopsy that Secretariat had an 18-pound heart. The average size for a horse is 8.3 pounds.

Dear, Lord. If that’s not the heart of a champion, I don’t know what else is.

1. Usain Bolt

Jamaica might riot due to snubbing their bobsled team, but Usain Bolt has nine Olympic gold medals and 11 world titles in track and field.

Bolt broke the 100-meter world record and let up the last eight feet, toying with his competition, it seemed. His hands out, laughing and looking around.

Scientists say he physically shouldn’t be able to run as fast as he does with how long his legs are — defying gravity with each stride.

The 200-meter world record? Bolt has that title. The 4×100 relay record you ask? Bolt has that record, too.

Never again in the history of man will we see a triple-triple or eleven worlds such as Bolt.

Justin Gatlin finally beat him at worlds in Bolt’s last race ever. So I guess Gatlin finally found an undetectable steroid. I heard Armstrong knows a guy.

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Even though Bolt lost his last ever race, he’s still the best there ever was.

There you have it, the all-time greatest athletes, not named Michael Jordan.

And if any of you pea-brained readers think I missed one, don’t @ me.