The playoffs are set with the top six teams making it. That means the bottom four seeds (Mr. MrGibblets, Dave Trubisky, Vaginal Hubris, Sexual Tryannosaur) get to battle it out for the best of the worst, emphasis on the worst. These teams are pathetic, but at least Mr. McGibblets finished the regular season with a winning record. He shouldn’t be too proud of that because he was the second lowest scoring team in the league.
Mr. McGibblets 176.15 (W) vs. JJ Top Goad Bottom 143.45 (L)
Mr. McG can thank Antonio Brown (Perfect Line-Up member) and JJ Top Goad Bottom for this victory. JJTGB had pretty much already secured a playoff spot so they took it easy on a far inferior team. JJ Top Goad Bottom treated Mr. McGibblets like you treat your little brother when playing Madden. You’ve already beaten him by 50 ten times in a row, so you let him win for once. What a nice gesture.
Revenge of the Sith 205.85 (W) vs. Dave Trubisky 164.65 (L)
Dave is like that dad who still thinks he can hang with the young kids. He shows up in his way too short shorts and his white New Balance sneakers only to get destroyed. Dave has no shame though because these types of dads don’t. Despite having both of the Perfect Line-Up running backs, Dave still lost. Had he started the highest scoring RB of the week (Tarik Cohen), Dave would have won this matchup. Way to go dad.
Dr Phil’s mustache 237.45 (W) vs. Sexual Tyrannosaur 150.55 (L)
Sexual Tyrannosaur gave up a long time ago. He might have even gone extinct. Dr Phil had no trouble whatsoever. It did help having the top TE of the week in Travis Kelce. Even if Sexual Tyrannosaur started someone in place of injured Alex Collins, it wouldn’t have mattered. No RB scored enough this week to make up the difference.
Taco Corp 216.15 (W) vs. Non-generic TeamName 172.55 (L)
Taco Corp had some help from the top WR this week in Keenan Allen. NGTM can blame everyone except Christian McCaffrey. He’s the only player in his starting lineup who met or exceeded his projection. Both teams had already made the playoffs so the outcome of this one really only affected seeding.
Vinegar Strokes 192.50 (W) vs. Vaginal Hubris 157.70 (L)
In our Missouri Pizza Co. Game of the Week, which also happened to be a family affair, Vinegar Strokes has stolen the hubris. Neither team really impressed though. So congrats Vinegar Strokes, you beat a pretty poor team.
Perfect Weekly Line-Up (Week 13)
QB: (KC) Patrick Mahomes vs. OAK – 68.65 (Revenge of the Sith)
RB: (CHI) Tarik Cohen vs. NYG – 57.25 (Dave Trubisky)
RB: (LAR) Todd Gurley vs. DET – 48.00 (Dave Trubisky)
WR: (LAC) Keenan Allen vs. PIT – 51.60 (Taco Corp)
WR: (PIT) Antonio Brown vs. LAC – 46.80 (Mr. McGibblets)
WR: (SF) Dante Pettis vs. SEA – 42.40 (Revenge of the Sith just picked him up)
TE: (KC) Travis Kelce vs. OAK – 55.60 (Dr Phil’s mustache)
K: (HOU) Ka’imi Fairbairn vs. CLE – 20.00 (Dr. Phil’s mustache)
DEF: New York Giants vs. NO – 25.00 (Free Agent)