By: Jonathan Goad
Perfect no more! The Rams lost! Take that Kroenke!
That wasn’t the only thing that happened in Week 9. We also had two goats do battle. Here’s the rest of the weekly recap.
Oakland Raiders 3
San Francisco 49ers 34
Hot Take: The Raiders are really bad. Okay so that’s not a hot take. Everyone knows the Raiders are awful. They got beat by some guy named Nick Mullens. For those of you who don’t know (which is everyone reading this minus Nick’s family), Mullens played his college ball at Southern Miss. You know who else played for Southern Miss? Brett Favre. In no way is Nick Mullens Brett Favre, but the Raiders made him look like it and he wears number 4. Maybe Nick Mullens is Brett Favre…
Pittsburgh Steelers 23
Baltimore Ravens 16
The Steelers keep rolling and James Conner continues to make people forget about that other running back they had. What was his name? Leroy Belvedere? Lenny Beckworth? Eh, it was something like that. Pittsburgh has won four in a row while the Ravens have lost three in a row. I guess Baltimore isn’t as good as we thought they were a few weeks ago.
Chicago Bears 41
Buffalo Bills 9
Do we have to keep talking about how bad the Bills are? Oh, we don’t? Okay.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 28
Carolina Panthers 42
Fitz didn’t have enough magic to beat the Panthers. He did throw four TD passes, but couldn’t keep up with Christian McCaffrey and the rest of the Carolina offense. Don’t sleep on the Panthers. At 6-2, they’ve got the third best record in the NFC.
Kansas City Chiefs 37
Cleveland Browns 21
Do we have to keep talking about how good KC’s offense is? Yes, because they are amazing to watch. Seriously, who do you focus on defensively? Kareem Hunt, Tyreek Hill, Travis Kelce, Sammy Watkins. Good luck stopping them. The Chiefs offense is a cheat code.
New York Jets 6
Miami Dolphins 13
The one touchdown was scored by Miami’s defense. And just when you thought you could trust Kenyan Drake in your fantasy lineup he gets three carries and four receptions for 35 total yards. Have fun with him the rest of the season…
Detroit Lions 9
Minnesota Vikings 24
Adam Thielen’s 100-yard-game streak came to an end. Poor guy. I guess you’ll have to settle for his touchdown. Dalvin Cook made his return to the gridiron and impressed. Ten carries for 89 yards and four catches for 20 yards will do that.
Atlanta Falcons 38
Washington Redskins 14
JULIO JONES SCORED A TOUCHDOWN!!!
Before this week, Washington looked like a real good team. Atlanta made them look less good. Matt Ryan continued his solid season despite the Falcons record. Maybe the Falcons will build off this win.
Houston Texans 19
Denver Broncos 17
Demaryius Thomas beat his former team just a few days after being traded. This game was all about DeAndre Hopkins (10-105-1), though. He’s quite good. Don’t look now, but Houston has won six in a row and leads the AFC South.
Los Angeles Chargers 25
Seattle Seahawks 17
The Chargers beat the Seahawks at Seattle. That’s always been a difficult place to win. Los Angeles is trying to keep pace with Kansas City in the AFC West. Their matchup in Week 15 could be for the division.
Los Angeles Rams 35
New Orleans Saints 45
Cue the shootout gif!
If you watched this game, hopefully you like offense because this game had a surplus of it. Drew Brees threw four touchdown passes, Alvin Kamara had three total TDs, and Michael Thomas had over 200 receiving yards. And that’s just the Saints! The Rams suffered their first loss of the year. Now the race for the number one seed in the NFC begins!
Green Bay Packers 17
New England Patriots 31
Aaron Rodgers vs. Tom Brady. Goat vs Goat. #12 vs. #12.
#12 won. That’s Brady. And apparently Cordarrelle Patterson is a running back now. Wait…is it Cordarrelle or Cordarrelle? I hear both. Josh Gordon also appears to have found his groove with the Pats. That could get scary.
Tennessee Titans 28
Dallas Cowboys 14
Well, Amari Cooper scored in his Cowboys debut, but it didn’t help. I guess Dallas has more issues than just at wide receiver.
Lessons learned in Week 9:
- Nobody is perfect.
- Drew Brees is a giant killer.
- Fitzmagic doesn’t equal wins.
- The Khalil Mack jokes are harder when he doesn’t play.
- Tom Brady>Aaron Rodgers