Taco Corp 206.40 (W) vs. Mr. McGiblets 183.70 (L)
I’m starting to think Mr. McGiblets is into losing. He’s lost three in a row. Maybe it’s some kind of weird fetish. Maybe his team just sucks. Either way, he needs to make some moves or he’ll find himself in the basement…maybe he likes those also.
The Jedi Knights 256.95 (W) vs. Non-generic TeamName 240.45 (L)
Our Missouri Pizza Co. game of the week featured this week’s two highest scorers. The Force was strong with the Jedi Knights especially Pat Mahomes and James Conner (Perfect Line-Up Team Member). The other team had some good players, too, but still lost. It really sucks to score the second most points of the week and lose. Maybe a better team name would help.
Vinegar Strokes 228.30 (W) vs. JJ Top Goad Bottom 214.75 (L)
JJ Top Goad Bottom almost came away with another victory. Too bad almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. He is still in first place, though. The Strokes can thank James White and Stephen Gostkowski for the come from behind win. Someone get them a cigarette.
Vaginal Hubris 177.55 (W) vs. Sexual Tyrannosaur 112.20 (L)
Not only did we have the top two scorers play each other, we also had the two lowest scorers play each other. That was good news for Vaginal Hubris. There’s still no reason to have hubris, though as this team would have lost to everyone else in the league except Asexual Lizard. VH better be thanking Deshaun Watson (Perfect Line-up Team Member) for his excellent performance. Asexual Lizard left the second highest scoring WR on his bench (Marvin Jones). Ouch.
Dave Trubisky 225.40 (W) vs. Slob on my cobb 205.70 (L)
Somehow, Dave continues to win, even when his son, Mitch, outscores Tom Brady, but is left on the bench. Dave had two members of the Perfect Weekly Line-up team, Todd Gurley and Mike Evans. Dave, have a little faith in your son. How much longer do you think you can keep winning with this formula?
Perfect Weekly Line-Up (Week 7)
QB: (HOU) Deshaun Watson vs. MIA – 63.75 (Vaginal Hubris)
RB: (PIT) James Conner vs. CLE – 59.40 (The Jedi Knights)
RB: (LAR) Todd Gurley vs. GB – 53.00 (Dave Trubisky)
WR: (TB) Mike Evans vs. CIN – 47.80 (Dave Trubisky)
WR: (DET) Marvin Jones vs. SEA – 42.40 (Sexual Tyrannosaur)
WR: (CIN) Tyler Boyd vs. TB – 42.20 (Non-generic TeamName)
TE: (KC) Travis Kelce vs. DEN – 27.80 (Slob on my cobb)
K: (NO) Wil Lutz vs. MIN – 15.00 (Non-generic TeamName)
DEF: Cincinnati – vs TB – 27.00 (Free Agent)