Taco Corp- 225.45 (W) Vs. The Jedi Knights- 192.35 (L)

Taco Corp’s Mark Ingram investment paid dividends all while landing his first player in the “Perfect Weekly Line-Up” in Davante Adams– leading to a tough loss for The Jedi Knights. The Jedi Knights continues as the TE whisperer landing the top streaming TE for the second week in a row (Eric Ebron this week, Jared Cook last week), though proved to be juuuuust a bit outside, still resulting in a loss. Too bad The Jedi Knights couldn’t use the force to foreshadow James Connors’ #2 Overall positional performance that was also good enough for the “Perfect Weekly Line-Up”. Suck it Jedi wannabe’s!- This “suck it” is brought to you by Missouri Pizza Company.

JJ Top Goad Bottom- 214.55 (W) Vs. Dave Trubisky- 202.05 (L)

JJ Top Goad Bottom remains in first place after week 5 with a 4-1 record and a whopping 1159.70 total points, which is also good for the #1 spot. Mitch and his dad Dave Trubisky didn’t have enough power to take down the man in the ivory tower, with stud WR Brandin Cooks putting up a goose egg due to concussion protocol. JJ Top Goad Bottom dodged a bullet in this leaving Ol’ dad a bit concussed and confused on how he lost while starting this week’s #1 QB, Tom Brady. Way to keep it interesting gentlemen.

Mr. McGiblets- 184.65 (W) Vs. Sexual Tyrannosaur- 161.55 (L)

Sexual Tyrannosaur does Mr. McGiblets a favor by leaving injured, TY Hilton, in a classic “that guy” move. We all know a guy who leaves an injured or Bye week player in… So, Mr. McGiblets seized the opportunity and routed his clueless opponent out in this yawn fest of this week’s two lowest scoring GM’s. Over Sexual Tyrannosaur’s dead body would he let Mr. McGiblets out “suck” him. Insert TY, that’ll show em’. Great Job you pre-historic sexual deviant.

Slob on my Cobb- 202.10 (W) Vs. (L) Vinegar Strokes- 181.65

Slob on my Cobb edges Vinegar strokes with solid performances by DeAndre Hopkins and Travis Kelce. Meanwhile Vinegar Strokes is over in a corner practicing his “O” face all by his lonesome as he is sitting at dead last in the standings. He’s scored over 100 more points on the season so far than Mr. McGiblets yet is not 3-2 like Mr. McGiblets. Solid win Slobb. And would rather be lucky than good, Vinegar Strokes… Ask Mr. McGiblets.

Non-generic TeamName (Team Zach)- 225.80 (W) Vs. Vaginal Hubris- 211.65 (L)

One team won, the other team lost.

Perfect Weekly Line-Up (Week 5)

QB: (NE) Tom Brady Vs. IND- 68.85 (Dave Trubisky)

RB: (NYJ) Isaiah Crowell Vs. DEN- 53.20 (Free Agent)

RB: (DAL) James Connor Vs. DET- 53.00 (The Jedi Knights)

WR: (NYG) Odell Beckham Jr Vs. CAR- 49.05 (???)

WR: (GB) Davante Adams Vs. DET- 43.00 (Taco Corp)

WR: (NYJ) Robby Anderson Vs. DEN- 39.60 (Free Agent)

TE: (IND) Eric Ebron Vs. NE- 42.00 (The Jedi Knights)

K: (CAR) Graham Gano Vs. NYG- 18.00 (Free Agent)

Def: 2-way tie

Kansas City Vs. JAX- 30.00 (Free Agent)

Arizona Vs. SF- 30.00 (Free Agent)