NFL Week 5 Recap: The Browns Win! The Browns Win Again!

By: Jonathan Goad

Red alert! Red alert! The Browns got their second win of the season! This is not a drill!

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That wasn’t the only surprising thing that happened this weekend.

Indianapolis Colts            24

New England Patriots    38

The Patriots got out to a big lead, 24-3 at the half, but the Colts attempted to make a comeback only to have it fall short. Tom Brady threw his 500th TD pass. Josh Gordon was the recipient of it. Maybe that will jump-start him for my fantasy football purposes. Andrew Luck continues to have solid games in losing efforts. They’re now 1-4.

Denver Broncos                16

New York Jets                   34

Don’t worry, everyone, Demaryius Thomas has been found. It’s too bad the Broncos defense couldn’t stop giving up big plays or stop the run. All four of the Jets’ touchdowns came from at least 20 yards out. Two went for over 70 yards. The Jets rushed for 323 yards. That’s a whole bunch.

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New York Giants              31

Carolina Panthers            33

Saquon Barkley continued his likely ROY season with another game of over 100 total yards and two touchdowns. Odell had a monster game. Apparently, all you have to do is publicly ask for the football. He also threw a TD pass. However, all of that could not beat the Panthers.

Miami Dolphins               17

Cincinnati Bengals           27

Kenyan Drake came out of hiding this week also. The Cincinnati Bengals might be the best team in the AFC North. They’re now 4-1 and sit atop the division. With the way they’re playing, there’s no reason to think that will stop anytime soon.

Baltimore Raves               9

Cleveland Browns           12

I never thought I’d say it, but the Browns are making Cleveland forget all about LeBron James. They now have two wins and are tied with the Steelers in the division. That’s still at the bottom of the division, but hey, you’ve got to start somewhere. This was a fairly boring game though.

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Green Bay Packers          23

Detroit Lions                      31

I’m not sure what’s going on in Green Bay. Shouldn’t they be better than this? Aaron Rodgers played great (442 yards and 3 TDs), but they lost to the Lions who are just okay. Kenny Golladay continues to impress this season. He led the Lions once again in receiving. Mason Crosby did miss four field goals and an extra point. I’m not great at the maths but I think that would have been enough to win.

Jacksonville Jaguars        14

Kansas City Chiefs           30

This game had a lot of hype surrounding it. Arguably, the best offense versus the best defense. Well, it looks like good offense beats good defense. The old saying goes, “defense wins championships.” So if they meet again in say the AFC Championship game, the Jaguars will win? Patrick Mahomes didn’t throw a TD pass for the first time probably ever. He is the GOAT, right?

Tennessee Titans             12

Buffalo Bills                        13

This was another boring game unless for some reason you like the Bills. Derrick Henry averaged 5.1 yards per carry. There’s something there, right? He has to get more carries now, right? RIGHT?!

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Atlanta Falcons                 17

Pittsburgh Steelers         41

What’s the deal with the Falcons? They’re now 1-4. They only scored 17 against an average Steelers defense. This should have been a shootout, but Atlanta only had a six-shooter while Pittsburgh was packing a machine gun. They gave the Falcons the whole nine yards too. James Conner and Antonio Brown feasted.

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Oakland Raiders               10

Los Angeles Chargers     26

You already know what I’m going to say. Some guy named Khalil Mack would have helped. Guess who else disappeared again…Amari Cooper. There can’t be anyone more frustrating in fantasy football. Philip Rivers was very efficient with his 27 attempts completing 22 of them for 339 yards and two TDs. Watch out for the Chargers. They’re starting to play some decent football.

Minnesota Vikings          23

Philadelphia Eagles        21

In the rematch of the NFC Championship game, the Vikings just squeaked by the defending champs. Philly made a heck of a comeback, but couldn’t quite pull it off. Dalvin Cook missed another game. Should we start worrying about him?

Arizona Cardinals            28

San Francisco 49ers         18

Congratulations to the Arizona Cardinals on their first win of the season. Every team has at least one win. But more importantly, congrats to the owners of David Johnson. He scored twice! His yardage total wasn’t eye-popping, but beggars can’t be choosers.

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Los Angeles Rams            33

Seattle Seahawks            31

The Rams got a scare up in Seattle. Blame Pete Carroll for the loss. The Rams were set to punt on 4th & 1, but he called a timeout. The Rams decided to go for it and got the first down. Does anyone else think Pete Carroll is overrated? Cooper Kupp and Brandin Cooks suffered concussions in this one. Keep an eye on that. The rest is boilerplate. Todd Gurley is really good. The Rams are still undefeated.

Dallas Cowboys                16

Houston Texans               19

The fight for Texas was a shootout. Not like old western shootout. More like hide behind something, just hold your gun out, and fire without looking. Seriously, only two touchdowns were scored. The rest was a kicking competition. The Texans did claim Texas. Don’t tell UT though.

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Washington Redskins   43

New Orleans Saints       19

Drew Brees torched the Redskins defense and became the all time leader in career passing yards. Suck it Peyton! Mark Ingram made his return to the field and outplayed Alvin Kamara. Yes, you read that correctly. Ingram rushed for two TDs while Kamara touched the football nine times. I definitely didn’t think that Ingram would have double the amount of touches that Kamara had. Must be nice to have two good RBs. Some teams don’t even have one…


Lessons learned from Week 5:

  1. The Rams were just good enough.
  2. The Browns won again! The world must be ending soon…
  3. Good offense beats good defense, at least in the regular season.
  4. I bet Khalil Mack enjoyed his bye week. He deserved to.
  5. The Falcons forgot how to fly.

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