NFL

NFL rule changes are going to raise your blood pressure this upcoming season

If the preseason is any indication, NFL fans are going to be in for a year of frustration, with the increase of bogus penalties and infractions.

By Neil Harrington

Sports fans complaining about the pace of play in Major League Baseball will have a natural transition into the 2018 NFL season — and then some.

In fact, the NFL is saying to MLB:

Penalties are as common as HPV, spiraling out of control this NFL pre-season.

If you don’t believe me, ask Derek Wolfe of the Denver Broncos, who put NFL officials on blast, after 28 penalties for 293 yards were called in a recent pre-season game against the Chicago Bears.

“These penalties are getting ridiculous. Tough to take someone to the ground without landing on them, whipping them down, grazing their head or hitting their legs. This is a tough game for tough people.”

Wolfe’s teammate Will Parks is also fed up with all of the dirty laundry thrown on the field this NFL preseason.

“I pointed at almost every flag they threw out today. I didn’t think they were going to call that. I mean, you’ve got to let us play football. I did ask the ref, ‘How are we supposed to avoid that?’ And he just said, ‘Try to hit him with your chest first.’

Why don’t we just play two-hand touch? That’s how soft the NFL is getting these days.

The NFL’s newfound sense of Bounty-ness can be summed up in a nutshell by a handful of plays.

I wish this were a joke, but it’s all too real.

If officials are going to eject players and fine them for “unnecessary roughness,” at least let NFL players get their money’s worth before getting tossed.

Dear God, help us all. The NFL season is going to be unbearable to watch. More than that, it’s going to lighten some of our pockets in the process — especially for you fellow Fantasy Football degenerates.

Touchdowns are going to be called back. Sacks and turnovers are going to be overturned — which means points off the board for your fantasy squad, and an increase in your blood pressure.

Head to your local pharmacy and load up on anxiety meds and pain relief remedies. You fellow NFL and fantasy football nerds are going to need them in excess. It’s going to be a wild 2018 NFL season, folks. 

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