Every once in a while, we have a new steroid incident pop-up. Everybody goes around, asking if it’s right or wrong; or should it be allowed — yadda, yadda, yadda.
Well, I will go ahead and tell you from the start that I am 100 percent pro-steroids. I want to see the big hits, the slam dunks, the knockouts, the new world records. All of it.
I feel like we should turn this into an action-packed science fair in the sports world. If you think steroids help you see a ball better, you are wrong.
You can’t just roid up a muscle-bound weightlifter, give him (or her) a baseball bat, and expect them to launch 70-plus home runs.
Nonetheless, here are my top choices for steroid-users who “enhanced” their respective sports.
7. Ben Johnson
Some of you younger punks might not remember this one. If that’s the case, there is an excellent 30 for 30 by ESPN on it.
A long story short, “Benny boy” was hitting that Holy juice like a king.
He ended up running a 9.79 at the Olympics in the hundred-meter dash — shattering the old record of 9.83 also run by Mr. Johnson.
See what I’m talking about? What a substantial personal jump and he did so with about a three to four stride lead at the finish line.
Absolute dominance, but oooo wwwweeeee, the Olympic Committee decided to strip him of his medal.
6. Jon Jones
Jon “Bones” Jones violated the UFC’s PED use policy, where he is now deemed ineligible — and it is a dang shame because he’s brought us some of the greatest moments in UFC history.
We all remember the great fight he had with Gustafson. But let’s not forget the great meme that he created. You know, crying Daniel Cormier — because it doesn’t matter what Jones does, and doesn’t take, because he is still the better fighter.
When he comes back, he will beat them all again. Steroids do not make it any easier, or harder, to knock somebody the fuck out.
5. Brian Bosworth
‘The Bozz’ will always be remembered in the NFL as the guy who called out Bo Jackson and got ran the hell over for it. But, as a Collegiate athlete for Oklahoma University, Brian Bosworth was an absolute animal. A pure killa.
Bozz is one of the most underrated trash-talkers in all of sports history; getting under the skin of Bo and many other victims.
Dominant and roided out of his mind, Bosworth was also very well known for being able to call out every offensive play before the ball is snapped.
The only thing that he ever really did wrong was troll the NCAA so hard they had to cut him from playing in the Orange Bowl.
4. Barry Bonds
I would put Barry Bonds higher on the list, but he was a big sissy about his PED use — where he has never fully admitted to such substances.
If we take a look back at the facts, that melon of a head he has had grown almost four times in size since entering the MLB. But, steroids do this little thing called to change your bone structure. Words lie, science does not.
The King of home runs and over a decade of elite hitting; yet he’ll (undoubtedly) never be allowed into the Hall of Fame because he did something almost everybody before him has done.
Had he manned up and embraced it at the time he would be higher on this list, and I would give him more respect. But don’t get it mistaken, there’s nothing alleged about his use.
3. Anderson Silva
This particular case did not catch much hype because it was late in Anderson’s career — where he was already heading downhill.
But he makes a list none-the-less due to his absolute greatness — hands down the pound for pound best fighter to ever enter the octagon.
If you come at me with that George St-Pierre crap, take a look at how he ducked Ben Askren. So just shut your mouth. Silva was a knockout threat from any position.
If for some unknown Godforsaken reason you took Silva to the ground, he would submit you. Every time. He even dismantled Rich Franklin, and everybody else, in a very stacked weight class during his reign in the UFC
2. Mark McGwire
Call it home cooking if you want, Mark McGwire was the absolute man back in his prime. He’s higher on the list than Barry Bonds, due to his embracement of PED usage.
Mark McGuire saved the dying sport of baseball, following the strike of 1994 — hitting 70 home runs in one single season, bringing MLB back from the dead.
Hell, there is even talk about him taking over the managerial position for the St Louis Cardinals — and I would have no qualms with it.
Hopefully, he’s learned how to bypass testing now and can move that information on to Dexter Fowler, who is in dire need of some ‘roids.
1. Lance Armstrong
For years ‘One, Hung Lo’ was the epitome of steroid usage. Everybody knew he was doing it and could not figure out how this man was passing PED testing — transcending the art of using steroids.
He would actually take his blood out of his body freeze it and then put it back into his body via blood transfusion. Sneaky, sneaky!
What an absolute psycho, maniac, yet; scientific genius.
Seven, that’s right count them up Tour de France victories. You could not catch this man in the mountains with a vehicle, let alone another cyclist come close.
A great shame had been brought upon him, and everybody took their new swag bracelets off and retaliation. Well, almost everybody did, I still wear mine to this day.
Steroid-users deserve more credit for their greatness. Instead, they are banned, treated like they carry the black-plague.
If any of you turtlenecked weasels think I missed one of the all-time steroid-users, let me know in the comments section below.
Categories: The Campfire